Rather than being a man and retiring, ‘Bitch Tits’ Alex Rodriguez will return from hip surgery and continue stealing money from the New York Yankees’ brass in 2013



Please, just go away, A-Rod!

Shopworn, and juiceless, 10-time Silver Slugger Award winner Alex Rodriguez will undergo surgery on his left hip and likely won’t return to the diamond until roughly the All-Star break.

The 37-year-old Rodriguez, who acquired the bynames “A-Fraud” and “Bitch Tits” for rampantly abusing synthetic testosterone, has a torn labrum, bone impingement and a cyst.

Rodriguez, a three-time AL MVP and known adulterer who has amassed 647 homers, 2,901 hits and 1,950 RBI since making his professional debut with the Seattle Mariners in July, 1994, has been to the disabled list on six occasions in the past six seasons and also underwent surgery on his right hip in March 2009.

“It is a more complicated surgery with a longer recovery time because there is a little bit more that needs to be done,” Yankees general manager Brian Cashman said. “I don’t think it’s age related. Butt at the same time, the older you are, the slower you’re going to recover regardless. But the bottom line and the message I’ve been receiving is that this is a solvable issue.”

Interestingly, Cashman didn’t dismiss the notion that steroids may be causing Rodriguez’s countless ailments.

“They’re not your typical injuries,” said Cashman of Rodriguez, who admitted in 2009 that he used steroids while with the Texas Rangers from 2001-03. “But, It doesn’t matter what I wonder.”

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A few of the primary faces of the dreaded Steroid Era, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens and Sammy Sosa, need to be banned from Cooperstown



Bonds, Clemens and Sosa are a trio of talented losers.

A few of the primary faces of the dreaded Steroid Era, Barry BondsRoger Clemens andSammy Sosa, will be on the Hall of Fame ballot for the first time next month with members of the Baseball Writers’ Association of America determining if the trio of notorious, and justifiably reviled, juiceheads will be elected to Cooperstown.

From a statistical standpoint, the three bush league ballplayers undoubtedly deserve to receive the required 75 percent of votes for induction into baseball’s shrine.

Unfortunately, Bonds, Clemens and Sosa are pathetic charlatans that represent all that was, and is, wrong with America’s Pastime.

The oversized Bonds is a 14-time All-Star and seven-time National League MVP who amassed 762 homers, 2,935 hits and 1,996 RBI in 21 professional seasons.

However, Bonds, who once resembled Randy Watson from Coming to America, is a genuine villain who used virtually every steroid invented to thrive on the diamond.

Similarly, Clemens, who amazingly recorded 354 victories, in comparison to 184 losses, and 4,672 strikeouts in 23 seasons playing for four teams, was named in 1999 to the MLB All-Century Team

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Commissioner Bud Selig rightfully approves of the Miami Marlins trade with the Toronto Blue Jays



Phony Miami Marlins fans are a far bigger concern than Jeffrey Loria.

Commissioner Bud Selig on Monday formally approved of the Miami Marlins trading star shortstop Jose Reyes and standout pitchers Josh Johnson and Mark Buehrle to theToronto Blue Jays for a slew of prospects last week.

The city of Miami remains wrongly outraged at Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria for conducting yet another fire sale.

Pseudo Miami fans are primarily disgusted with Loria, whose organization won the 2003 World Series, because the newly constructed Marlins Park was a $2.4 billion project that is being publicly funded.

“This transaction, involving established major leaguers and highly regarded young players and prospects, represents the exercise of plausible baseball judgment on the part of both clubs (and) does not violate any express rule of Major League Baseball and does not otherwise warrant the exercise of any of my powers to prevent its completion,” Selig, 78, said in a statement. “It is, of course, up to the clubs involved to make the case to their respective fans that this transaction makes sense and enhances the competitive position of each, now or in the future.”

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The five greatest sports sound bites since 2000



Herman Edwards will always be famous for one memorable press conference.

10 years ago yesterday on October 30, 2002, in response to the Jets losing to theCleveland Browns and falling to 2-5, New York head coach Herman Edwards ranted “you play to win the game” during a Wednesday press conference.

Although a bush league motivational ploy with little actual substance, Edwards’ speech oddly still resonates a decade later.

In tribute to Herman Edwards’ tirade, below are the five best sports sound bites since 2000.

1. With Edwards at the helm, the Jets pulverized the Indianapolis Colts 41-0 in a 2002 Wild Card playoff game at Giants Stadium in the swamps of Jersey.

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‘Bitch Tits’ Alex Rodriguez will refuse to waive his no-trade clause and vacate Gotham



Alex Rodriguez is not a man for New York City.

Days after the New York Yankees were swept by the Detroit Tigers in the American League Championship Series, shopworn, and juiceless, 10-time Silver Slugger Award winner Alex Rodriguez has promised to “be back” next season and will reportedly refuse to waive his no-trade clause.

The 37-year-old Rodriguez, who acquired the bynames “A-Fraud” and “Bitch Tits” for rampantly abusing synthetic testosterone, has five years and $114 million remaining on his contract.

Ever since Yankees manager Joe Girardi began benching former WWE Diva Torrie Wilson’s banging companion, speculation has mounted that Rodriguez will be shipped out of Gotham.

“Bitch Tits,” a notoriously bush league clutch performer who had the audacity to flirt with two floozies while the Bombers were losing a pivotal game against Detroit, batted a horrific .120 and whiffed 12 times in nine playoff games this autumn.

Rodriguez, a three-time AL MVP and known adulterer, has amassed 647 homers, 2,901 hits and 1,950 RBI since making his professional debut with the Seattle Mariners in July, 1994.

Despite compiling extraordinary regular season statistics, the 14-time All-Star, who was demoted to the eighth spot by the honorable Joe Torre in Game 4 of the Yankees’ ALDS loss to the Tigers in 2006, is simply substandard when even remotely pressurized.

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General manager Mike Rizzo banged the pooch with his handling of Stephen Straburg and badly hindered the Washington Nationals



Predictably, by shelving Stephen Strasburg, Mike Rizzo cost the Washington Nationals a chance to capture a title.

Despite suffering a heartbreaking 9-7 loss in Game 5 of the NLDS to the St. Louis Cardinalsbush league Washington Nationals general manager Mike Rizzo remains confident that shelving flamethrower Stephen Strasburg in early September was the right choice for the organization.

“We had a plan in mind. It was something we had from the beginning. I stand by my decision,” said the asinine Rizzo, 51. “I’m not going to think about it, no. We’ll take the criticism as it comes. We have to do what’s best for the Washington Nationals, and we think we did.”

Strasburg (15-6, 3.16 ERA), who has compiled a 21-10 record with a 2.94 ERA and 313 strikeouts since debuting with Washington in June 2010, was shutdown by Rizzo in early September despite being entirely healthy following 159 1/3 innings on the hill.

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Despite being allowed to play, the San Francisco Giants won’t let Melky Cabrera perform against the St. Louis Cardinals



The Giants have drawn a line in the sand with Melky Cabrera.

Despite being reinstated today following a 50-game suspension for being a sneaky juicehead, the Giants’ brass announced that Melky Cabrera will not play against the St. Louis Cardinals tomorrow night in Game 1 of the NLCS at AT&T Park in San Francisco, California.

In fact, the 28-year-old Cabrera, who won the All-Star Game MVP Award in July and had a major league-leading 159 hits and was second in the National League with a .346 batting average before being snagged with dirty piss, will never be a part of San Francisco’s 2012 playoff roster.

“Cabrera’s status regarding the postseason remains unchanged,” said the Giants vice president of baseball operations, Bobby Evans.

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The substandard ‘Bitch Tits’ Alex Rodriguez must be demoted in the lineup for the Yankees to capture their 28th championship in franchise history



It’s impossible to claim that Alex Rodriguez isn’t a certified clowns pocket.

With the ALDS tied at 1-1, New York manager Joe Girardi acknowledged he’s considering moving shopworn, and juiceless, 10-time Silver Slugger Award winner Alex Rodriguezdown from the third spot in the lineup for tonight’s Game 3 against the Baltimore Oriolesat Yankee Stadium.

The 37-year-old Rodriguezwho acquired the bynames “A-Fraud” and “Bitch Tits” for long rampantly using synthetic testosterone, is 1-for-9 in this series versus Baltimore and a pathetic 10-for-59 (.169) with zero home runs and six RBIs in 16 playoff games since finally deciding to appear in the 2009 postseason.

“I think that we’re going to do whatever it takes to win this three-game series,” said Girardi, 47, who rightfully earned the National League Manager of the Year award with the Florida Marlins in 2006. “Nothing that we do will be something that is just a knee-jerk reaction. We talk about different things, and whether it’s a pitching change or pitching situations, the great thing about this is I have a great group of guys that’s very unselfish, and they really want to win. And that’s what we’re going to do — what we think is best to win.”

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The brilliant CC Sabathia continues his push to overcome Reggie Jackson as the greatest free agent signing in the history of the New York Yankees



CC Sabathia is a Hall of Fame pitcher.

Displaying his customary brilliance on the mound, CC Sabathia helped lead the New York Yankees to a 7-2 victory over Baltimore in Game 1 of the ALDS last night at Oriole Park at Camden Yards.

Sabathia, who came within an out of completing his first ever game in the postseason, allowed two earned runs and improved to 6-1 as a starter in the playoffs with the Yankees.

“Fastball command was good, worked off that,” said Sabathia, 32, who has amassed a record of 191-102 with a 3.50 ERA since debuting for the Cleveland Indians in April 2001. “Throwing the ball pretty good, getting the corners. Tried to stay out there and make some pitches.”

Sabathia became the wealthiest pitcher in Major League Baseball (MLB) history when he inked a seven-year contract worth $161 million with the Yankees in December 2008.

Fortunately for fans of the Bombers, Sabathia decided last winter to not exercise the opt-out clause in his agreement and the hefty-lefty signed an extension that will keep him in the Bronx until 2017.

Terry Francona is the perfect man to lead the Cleveland Indians to their first World Series title since 1948



Tito is the man on and off the diamond.

Current ESPN baseball analyst and former Boston Red Sox skipper Terry Francona will be formally introduced as the 42nd manager in Cleveland Indians history during a news conference scheduled for Monday at Progressive Field.

After going a porous 68-94, Cleveland owner Larry Dolan and general manager Chris Antonetti wisely concluded that Francona is the perfect man for the job.

“I’m really excited,” said Francona, 53, who guided the Sox to championships in the 2004 and 2007 seasons. “People who don’t know me may have thought I was looking for something different.”

Francona, who was axed after overseeing one of the worst collapses in MLB history when Boston went 7-20 in September 2011 and squandered a nine-game lead over the Tampa Bay Rays to miss the playoffs, is arguably the most successful manager in Red Sox history.

Francona, who instructed Michael Jordan in 1994 as a manager of the AA franchise Birmingham Barons, is a gregarious and likable man.

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