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2016 NFL Season Week 13 Pick ‘Ems



Oh yeah baby, 14-2 this past week. My only setbacks were the Seahawks forgetting how to play football and the Packers suddenly remembering. But that’s ok, I will take 14-2 anytime. After 12 weeks of football, I am looking at a record of 108-67-2. Not the greatest percentage in the world, but it could certainly be worse.

Unfortunately, the slate of games this week pose more difficulty. A lot of teams are playing with their playoff lives on the line and it should make for some fantastic football.

Dallas Cowboys @ Minnesota Vikings

The week starts off with a bang between the best team in the NFC versus a team barely clinging at hope for a wildcard spot. The Vikings looked good for the first 58 minutes of the game, but like so many of the Lions’ opponents, they failed in the last 2.

And now they go up against the buzzsaw that is the Dallas Cowboys, led by their dynamic-rookie-duo and that stud offensive line. It feels a bit like a trap game for the Cowboys coming off a big Thanksgiving win and facing a desperate team, but even with all that I can’t bet against the Cowboys. They are too well-rounded and Dak takes good care of the ball and if the Vikings can’t get turnovers, then they can’t win.

Dallas wins.

Kansas City Chiefs @ Atlanta Falcons

The Chiefs are coming off of a massive win against the Broncos. That win practically assured them a playoff spot and kept them within striking distance of the Raiders. Now they go against a team that is infinitely better on offense. To win this game the Chiefs will have to match score for score and their offense is too inconsistent to count on.

The X-factor in this game is Justin Houston. Last week he had 3 sacks and showed the league that his time is not yet up. Can he keep it up? Can the Chiefs slow Atlanta’s attack? I sincerely doubt it.

I like Atlanta in this game.

San Francisco 49ers @ Chicago Bears

Both of these teams are absolutely abysmal. A lot of the pundits are agog over Colin Kaepernick’s performance this past week and his 400+ yards of total offense; they all seem to forget that he still lost and had a terrible completion percentage. Furthermore, that defense is a shell of the one it was just a few years ago.

None of that may matter, however; since they are playing against the Bears sans just about every starter in the city. Seriously, both starting wide receivers, top two quarterbacks, primary tightend, leading pass-rusher, both interior linebackers, three quarters of their defensive secondary, guards, tackles, and bears (oh my!!!). They are all out.

I want to pick the Bears…but I won’t.  I like the 49ers in this game, especially since Kaepernick looks like someone who can actually play football.

Miami Dolphins @ Baltimore Ravens

The Ravens are the best team in the AFC North…which is like saying you’re the world’s tallest midget.

But let’s be fair, the Dolphins haven’t exactly beaten the elite.  So what we have here is a hot team against bad teams versus the leader of a bad division.

I am going with the hot team. Rarely should anyone bet against a hot team and the Dolphins are riding a strong running game, backed up by a stout defense, and a coach that knows how to minimize the damage a reckless quarterback can inflict. I like the Dolphins to pull out a very close game.

Philadelphia Eagles @ Cincinnati Bengals

These are two teams that are circling the drain. The Eagles have a talent depleted roster, but have a quarterback of the future, whereas the Bengals have a very talented team and a very questionable quarterback.

Personally I like Andy Dalton. I think he is very competent and is a positive to a team rather than a negative. And in this scenario a positive is all I am looking for.

I like the Bengals to win at home.

Houston Texans @ Green Bay Packers

This past week the Packers looked like their old selves. Personally, I think it was a fluke. I think the Packers have an overrated team, led by a quarterback who has regressed to the mean. Fortunately for them the Texans have one of the worst starting quarterbacks in the league and because of his salary, the powers-that-be will not have the balls to bench Brock Osweiler.

To put this simply we have a very good team with no quarterback versus a terrible team with a great quarterback. A tough call to make, especially given that this game is practically meaningless since neither team will make the playoffs.

I like the Packers. Mostly because they are at home. But also I have faith in Aaron Rodgers to make 2-3 big plays. I cannot say the same for the Texans.

Packers win.

Denver Broncos @ Jacksonville Jaguars

Broncos win because the Jaguars suck.

Seriously, it’s the same coach, with the same quarterback, with the same owner, with absolutely no changes in personnel, philosophy, strategy, or any other -y.

The Jaguars will lose because they are a disgrace of a professional franchise.

Honestly, as a fan of football I have become personally offended by the Jaguars. I mean the Browns are obviously trying to lose, but the Jaguars are just incompetent in every phase. I hope they get sold and relocated.

In case you couldn’t tell, I am picking the Broncos to win this game.

Los Angeles Rams @ New England Patriots

The Rams can’t score…The Patriots have Tom Brady….

Where’s the f***ing mystery?

The Patriots will win big because they have a better quarterback and the greatest coach of all time, whereas the Rams have a rookie quarterback in his second game and a coach who should have been fired 10 years ago.

Detroit Lions @ New Orleans Saints

Finally!!! A game worth watching. The Saints have an elite offense, led by a legitimate MVP candidate who leads the league in passing yards, passing touchdowns, and a slew of other categories. On the flip side the Lions are a fatally flawed team that continues to win due to the incredible efforts of Matthew Stafford.

So what this game comes down to is Stafford vs. Brees.

I am going with Stafford. Every one of the Lions’ wins has come within the last 2 minutes of the game. They have had a “refuse to lose” mentality that the Saints lack. The Saints will play tough and the game will be close, but in the final 2 minutes I trust Matthew Stafford above anyone else.

Buffalo Bills @ Oakland Raiders

Right now I think the Raiders are the best team in the AFC (that includes the Patriots). The Bills are an extremely flawed team that has managed to get wins based on pure athleticism.

To put it simply, Rob Ryan is a mediocre defensive coordinator and the Bills cannot score enough to keep pace with the Raiders. Oakland wins.

Washington Redskins @ Arizona Cardinals

Kirk Cousins has been the best quarterback in the NFL the past 3 weeks. To bad he can’t buy a win. But the fact is that he is completing 73% of his passes and has had no turnovers.

New York Giants @ Pittsburgh Steelers

The Steelers are not as good as we thought. They have phenomenal individual talent and are capable of a touchdown on any given play, but over the course of 60 minutes they fail to get the job done.

The Giants will win this game. They have a proven offense and a high-priced defense which is more than the Steelers can say.

New York Wins.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ San Diego Chargers

The fact of the matter is that the Bucs are a good team and the Chargers are not. The Chargers have no pass-defense, no run-offense, mediocre receivers, and no actual play-makers. There is a reason why San Diego is putting up no fight to retain this team. It’s because they suck.

The Bucs are going to win because they are the better team. The Chargers are a shitty team with an asshole as the quarterback in charge….

….The Bucs will win.

Carolina Panthers @ Seattle Seahawks

The Seahawks were held to 5 points against Tampa Bay last week. Does not matter. This week the best defense in the NFL is at home against a team that has struggled mightily.

The Panthers have suck this year and that trend will continue against the Seahawks.

Seattle wins.

Indianapolis Colts @ New York Jets

God both of these teams suck.

Is there a way to make sure they both lose?

Another incident of a shitty team with a good quarterback versus a good team with no quarterback.

I am going with the more talented team at home. That means I am making the fatal mistake of choosing the Jets to do something right in their miserable lives.